But… let me start from a bit earlier. Growing up, I belonged to a lower middle class family. My father was in the Army and mother was a Doctor. My father had to take retirement on medical grounds in 1987 and he used his pension money to open a Nursing Home for my mother. My mother was passionate about her work and she had completed her medical after her marriage and after giving birth to me and my siblings. How did she pull that off, I can only wonder. She was not the best student but she was very hard working. Finally she had her own medical practice.
I am the eldest of the three brothers and that always meant alot of pressure from the parents. I was groomed that way, to take alot of pressure. My mother was the eldest among her siblings and so she was groomed that way to take all kinds of pressures. As an elder, not only, you have to act as a role model to your younger brothers and sisters but also you have to be perfect in any task that you do. And that is how I was, a perfectionist. Somebody who would not start something if there was a chance of failure but if I did start to work on something, I would not give up even if it ended in a failure. Yes, loyalty to my task, to the mission, to the path. Even sometimes in my heart I would feel defeated or broken and would sometimes have a feeling that I would not be able to complete the task with success but I never showed it on my face. I was groomed that way, take the pressure but never show the weakness or hint that you are heading to the failure. The reason was that from the time I would realize things are not going my way to the point that I actually fail, there were endless possibilities how things would turn out and my tawakkul in Allah would embolden me to keep trying. With that yaqeen in the heart, most times I would get out of trouble and would be able to complete my mission in success. The drawback for this kind of personality is that I would become obsessed with making things right and that just does not sit well with life. Life wants you to experience and accept failures but my mind was hard at accepting outcomes that I had not pre-calculated. So, I would calculate and recalculate until I got it right.
Sorry to detrack, so I spent my childhood in Pindi and did my high school at St. Marys Academy. Back in the day, when the school had a really good reputation and they did not just admit you because you had big pockets. In Class 8, we had an option to go for Senior Cambridge or do Matric through Pindi Board.
Abu ka foran reaction: Matric karo normal logon ki tarah. Wajah yeh kay he had no clue about Senior Cambridge. Ammi ka reaction. Try to karo. Laiq ho kar lo gay. Mera reaction: I cant compare the two so both are same to me but I opted for Senior Cambridge. English was my weakness and I knew it but I took the challenge and went ahead with it. The three years in Cambridge was grilling and my only nemesis was English. I could figure out all subjects, could break them down in my mind and really understand them to the bits but English….azaab thi. My father was always suspicious of where I would land with this Senior Cambridge. Although I had no clue either but I was very hopeful where it could take me. I was not the best student in my class but just like my mother I was hard working. Finished Senior Cambridge with a bunch of A’s and a big C in English. See.. I couldn't understand how this language actually worked. Give me numbers and I could tell you how this world was made but language... it was just too fluid for me. Anyways, then I geared towards my next challenge which was A Levels. I did that with much ease. Most of the courses were technical so I was able to perform well. I took Math, Bio, Physics, Chem. The reason for this choice was because I wanted to go to a medical school like my mother but reality was that my math was much stronger than biology. It was kind of an automatic decision that I would do better if I took engineering. So I applied in various schools in Pakistan and abroad. My heart wanted to go to some school abroad but I knew my parents couldnt afford it so although I applied but I didnt think I was actually gonna go to one. I got admissions from different universities abroad and none from the univs in Pak. This was a big let down because the problem was that O and A Levels was not recognized in Pakistan at the time. Abu was upset because he had been always of the opinion that I should have gone through Pakistani education system and here I was now stuck with no admissions. My mother then one day said that she can come up with the money for me to go abroad and I should finalize a university. I knew she doesnt have money and I would be putting her in a lot of difficulty but the pressure led me to make a decision. I chose the cheapest university that I could find where I got the admission so I don't have to stress my mother. Many times in those days I prayed to Allah that O Allah can you skip these years for me so I can earn and help my mother. But my luck had other things in store for me. The years didnt skip, the days got longer.
