Kulthum had some qualities. One was that she was of religious background and that she had actually learnt to recite quran with proper Makharij and Tajweed. This was enough of a quality for me to be wanting to help her. Also, she would participate in religious activities on campus and off campus. She was from a financially poor background. They were 5 sisters and she was the youngest. Her father was retired and very old. Her mother ran a small book-for-rent shop. All these things convinced me inside that I must help her so she can be supportive of her family. That also meant that I had to help her from the same time that I had to study and work to earn to support my family. But, I took the challenge and I did the best I could to help her in her studies. We had many conversations about life, how we each aim to live the rest of our lives, how each of us want to pursue the goals. We had exchanged our pictures with each other so we knew how we looked like. Lol… there was no messenger or whatsapp or anything like that where we could have talked to eachother in real life. Calling on phone was expensive for both. I couldnt afford it and surely she didnt have the money, so the communication was on chat only.
One day, after her semester finished, she just disappeared. I mean literally. I messaged her, checked all the chatrooms that we would hang around in and nobody had seen her logged in. I sent her an email and there was no response. I think that day was a heavy day on me. I felt very disoriented at school and kept thinking that why would she not answer my messages? Where could she have suddenly gone? She didnt have the internet in her hostel and she was always coming online through an internet cafe, so it might be that the cafe is shut down? Many questions but no answers. For the first time I felt that my day had something missing. Her just asking me what I ate or when will I eat? or Did you forget to pray? Such mundane questions during the conversations now seemed like questions that were anchoring my day. I actually was missing her company. I mean, I didnt even know her that well, maybe she was pretending to get me to do her assignments and now she disappeared because all her work was done? No.. No.. she couldnt be like that… My mind was thinking good and bad about her but I forced myself to not have any bad thoughts, maybe there was a real problem she was in. But what could I do? I did not have her phone number where I could call. Why didnt I ever ask her for her phone number? Because I never thought I would be looking for her like this… This was ridiculous, what was wrong with me, I should have atleast asked her for phone number just in case, maybe it will be helpful during this emergency… but was it even an emergency? Why would she give her phone number to a person whom she hardly knows… dimagh ka dahi ban raha tha…
So I decided to email her. One email everyday until she answers me. Was this crazy? Maybe, but that's what I could do. If she had the slightest amount of humanity in her, she would answer. And yes.. I emailed her one email a day. An email like 5-6 pages long, everyday, for 17 days.
My emails were about different topics of life and I didnt tell her that I missed her. Occasionally here and there in the emails I would say, it would be fun if I could say these things to you while chatting instead of the emails.
On the 18th day, I received a reply from her saying that she couldn't believe all the emails she got from me. She told me that seeing her inbox full like that made her cry. She told me that her sister had come to get her to go to her village and ofcourse there was no internet there. Then the next few days, I received a reply from her for each of the emails I sent her. It was alot of writing and alot of reading…lol..
After that episode, it kind of became official that we would tell eachother if we were to go away for a longer period of time. By that time I started to like her but I wasnt sure if she liked me or not and I wasnt sure if this is something I should even bring up to her. I felt to tell her what I had in my heart about her but many a times I did not have the courage. By that time, we had exchanged our phone numbers but neither of us had the money to talk to eachother. We had heard eachothers voices though. She had a thin voice, very innocent and almost like somebody who would laugh at very light jokes. It felt nice, the simplicity and all and her image in my mind became more vivid. On the phone, the first time, there was a long silence between us. I had alot to say but just couldnt and I can only assume the same from her side. Then she said, my mins are running out. I will talk again. Lol.. it was a silent first call. We exchanged no words. Just the presence of eachother I guess, which was very impactful. That's when I actually started to think about her and the possibility of actually something happening further between us.
Then one day while chatting, she said that what would happen if we were not able to chat anymore, or if the fate takes us away from eachother and I without thinking, no inhibition, flat out said, does it mean you are interested in me? There was no answer from her side. The curser was blinking for the longest time. Had I stepped out of my bounds? Did I say something out of line? I thought in my mind, oh well it was the good last few months knowing her and I closed my eyes and peeked through one of my eye to see what the answer would be. But there was no answer. See in the old chats you couldnt see if the other person is typing… or not… it wouldnt tell you anything if they have read what you wrote or not…. It was very different than present day chat clients.
Finally she answered. I like you and want to plan my life further with you!
This was one of the happiest moments of my life. I didnt even think what all the worldly problems I would have to go through to make this a possibility. A thinking… so unlike me, who would plan and calculate and recalculate…. None of that. The answer from her just took me into pure bliss. Yes what a wonderful life that would be, I said to myself. That night I thought about everything, how I could achieve this union. All the way from talking to my ammi and talking to her parents and everything in between. I did not want to give her false dreams so if it had to be done, it had to be done the proper way. My parents must know about this and her parents must know about this.
